...fine line between insanity and genius

charles cabel is on american soil once again. let us thank jesus for getting him home safely from sunny iraq. may god bless everyone who's still over there. charles may be visiting the area next month, but he'll send the details when he's settled in down south. in other news i registered for the shamrock shuffle . with almost two full weeks of no nicotine, and countless opportunities to cheat, i've decided to motivate myself to exercise as well. it's an 8k race, which basically means that it's more than a goddamn mile long. fuck. in my shape...? much props to my friends who have run various marathons ( yes, marathons ) around the country. you're a great motivation for my quitting smoking and my effort towards good general health. also special thanks to darlene , who continues to motivate me through insults and reverse psychology.

we finally got together to make a little video, after our premiere at last year's 48hfp . click here to catch up... start at april 27. i don't want to spoil the story for you, but i will tell you that we have completed the thrown object trilogy . for those not in the know, here's a brief history of said trilogy... film one : " easter sunday " - roy throws dirt film two : " trail to the chief " - sal throws ring film three : " ??? " - peeps throw .... dinner and drinks post filming, we ate a nice dinner at thai village , or as roy and mark would call it... village . the fucking thing about thai food is that if you go with your thai friends... and your thai friends order in thai ... and they order in thai and ask for spicy ... well, you're just fucked. because no matter how cultured or heat resistant your palette may be, the thai folks are not gonna give you the full nasty unless you confirm to them ( in thai ) that you are prepared. let ...

i think that this has to be the last entry about her. we had a great conversation over milkshakes and steak burgers at the barrington/higgins steak and shake . hagrid was not present. we talked until well past 4:00am . she is so beautiful. i want to calm the fuck down, but you know how i am. a hopeless romantic. a dreamer. an overthinker. the more i try to relax, the worse it gets. i'm convinced that we're on the same page, but i'm letting my guard down too fast. argh. it's so fucking hard. it was just last may that i first met this girl, and somehow, today i... well let's just say it feels a lot like fate that i'm writing this to you right now. so anyways, she doesn't know about this blog... i think ... and the closer i get to her, the more i'm beginning to realize that it's not fair for me to share these kind of thoughts with you. although it can be therapeutic. i don't know where the story goes from here, but i'm excited and optimistic ...

part a jim o'neil and i were chosen by our management staff, to represent our stores as regional trainers. what did that mean? basically, we were chosen to lead our fellow creatives and specialists through our company wide training program. we trained people how to do our/their job more effectively. it was an amazing honor, and it went over very well. in the end, i believe that it has brought me another step closer to achieving my career goals. part b on the way home from this training, i stopped by the store to take my photo booth picture of the day, and i ran into some co-workers. we ended up going to see juno at the amc 30 . juno review to come soon. preliminary grade A- . it was a nice supplement to a wonderful day of work, and it was a great movie. part c she stopped me before i could leave her car, and in no uncertain terms, asked me what the fuck was going on. here i am, nervous as shit, scared to do anything about anything, and she's asking me what's going on! ...

bjf pbe : 080107a - comic book bjf pbe : 080107b bjf pbe : 080107c - the post it note tradition begins bjf pbe : 080107d - happy monday bjf pbe : 080107d - in the office with kevin

today was the first really tough challenge... drinking beers sans cigarettes. fucking hell. i had to chew straws and toothpicks and ice, and the occasional piece of gum. i had to keep my distance from my once fellow smokers. this was not very hard to do early in the evening, because the co-workers in attendance at stonewood ale house , were not packing. tiffany also smacked me in the forehead very violently every time i talked about cigarettes. ryan usually has cloves, but i thought it best not to ask if he had any that night. i was also able to distract myself for a little while, by flirting with ashley r. , the server, but in the end, i don't think she was buying what i was selling. ah, whatevs. tim is 29 then a quick drive back to the old watering hole itself... waterhouse , to celebrate tim's birthday. no. mustache lady was not present, although i think that people got some enjoyment from hearing that i would gladly oblige any requests from said mustache lady, should sh...

fuck. today was really hard. i had a headache all day. i know it was nicotine withdrawal . i drank like eight bottles of water and had a steady helping of nutritious snacks all day. i had a good night of sleep and a nice cup of coffee in the morning. it had to be the fucking nicotine. i was thinking the gum or the patch , but now i'm not sure that i want to subject myself to more doses of chemical goodness. two days down... on another note, i saw erma as i walked to my car this evening. it's so fucked when you've reached the point where you're both glad to see her, and horrified at the same time. why is it like that? it's because just when you think you're finally even keel, something happens that invades your mind all over again. it's so sweet and so evil all at once. damn.

i'm gonna do my best to take a self portrait in photo booth, every single day. and post it here. bjf pbe : 080103a - jim and i at training in chicago bjf pbe : 080103b - taken at north michigan avenue

bjf pbe : 080102 - you should see the image with the pear it's not a gawl damn resolution. in the history of new year's resolutions... have you heard of one person, ever , who made it through, to the end of the year? can you even name your last 5 resolutions? have you ever even made a resolution? resolutions were made to be broken, so fuck resolutions. quitting smoking is not a resolution. it's a fucking test of will that you will never understand (unless you have smoked for 10 years and are trying to quit cold turkey). non-smokers think it's so easy to just stop... here's a test. try giving up meat for a month. personally, i think giving up meat is easier than not smoking... but it's about the closest thing you can compare it to. i've hit the 24 hour mark, and it's looking okay for now. at around 18 hours in, i was in severe withdrawal mode. i was phasing through some shakiness, mild irritability, and a little lightheadedness. gum. gum saved me. thank ...

it's 8:08pm and i'm going to bed. i plan to crash for twelve hours straight. see you on the flipside.

hello ladies and gentlemen... after eating mac & cheese, spam, seaweed, and rice... in the wee hours of the morning... and taking a 1 hour nap... i made it to work on time, 5 minutes early. god help me get through this day. bjf pbe : 080101a - the walk of shame, to work bjf pbe : 080101b - i wore the bow tie untied all night

fuck. i'm wasted and on tim and dar's computer. i just wanted to tell everyone that i love them very much. if you read this, then you are probably someone that i care about very much. because not everyone knows about this shit. if you read this, then you probably care about me too, either that, or you think my life or my ideas are something worth reading about. in either case, i appreciate that. thank you for being a friend. thank you for listening to me. thank you for sharing. thank you. i look forward to seeing you in 2008. i look forward to sharing memories and pictures. i look forward to more stories and entertainment in the year to come. i hope you have had a happy and safe new years. god bless and good night... i hope i make it to work in 5 hours.